Story Workshop: Show, Don't Tell

The first batch of stories were full of creative topics and ideas!

There's one basic writing rule that you will all want to apply in revision, however:

SHOW, DON'T TELL. 

So what exactly does that mean? Simply this: when we hurry through our writing, we have a tendency to lock the reader out of the experience by simply TELLING them what happened--as though we are summarizing our own story. What we need to do to make it better is to let them inside the story's world so that they can experience everything--the sights, sounds, smells, and dialogue. This is SHOWING them the fictional world we created.

Here's an example:

TELLING

Tom told Stella he was going to surprise her after the dance and that they needed to take a ride. She got into his pick-up truck and they drove in silence for a while, holding hands. She asked him what was going on and he said she'd find out. Finally they turned down a little side road and she asked him where they were going. He pointed up at the sky, and she saw the stars.

So--interrogate this writing. Do you care about either of the characters? If not, why not? Do you care about what they're doing and why? Do you feel involved in the story? You shouldn't, because this narrative is just TELLING you what happened. Readers don't want to be told. What is the point of reading if we can't DISCOVER? Do you want to be TOLD that they're saying things to each other, or do you want to hear what they're saying?

SHOWING

Stella walked out of the dance on Tom's arm. She had never loved him more than she did tonight, even though they had been dating almost a year. His reddish hair was messy and his face was flushed from dancing and laughter, but she thought he looked very handsome. She squeezed his hand more tightly as they moved out the double doors. 

The parking lot was weirdly silent after the chaotic pounding rhythms they had danced to in the gym. All she heard now were some distant traffic sounds and a buzzing from one of the streetlights. "I had fun," she said. "Thanks for inviting me."

He peeked over his shoulder to make sure no chaperones were watching, then stole a kiss. His mouth was warm, his breath peppermint-scented. "Who else would I invite? You're my Stella."  He hugged her against his side and they made their way toward his truck.

"I hate to go home," she said. "This has been so much fun."

Tom's eyes crinkled the way they always did when he had a secret. She stopped. "What? What are you up to?" The wind rustled the skirt of her long cornflower blue dress; it had made her feel like a princess all night long. She remembered her mom's face when they had looked at it in the store. The price tag had made her frown, but then Stella had come out of the fitting room and her mother's eyes widened. Oh honey, that's the one!

"We can't go straight home. We have one more thing to do. Climb in the royal pick-up, M'lady."

Stella laughed. "Thank you, M'lord." With his help she climbed into the passenger seat, tucking her gauzy skirt around her and setting her little blue purse on the floor. The cab was cold, but Tom's heater usually warmed up quickly. The upholstery smelled like Mr. Dalton's cigarettes, but it was familiar and beloved. She leaned against the headrest and closed her eyes.

She opened them when Tom got in and started the engine, sending her one sweet smile. "It won't take long, but it will be worth it," he said.  She reached over and smoothed down some of his mussy hair.

"Okay. Drive on. I can't wait to see what our little detour is all about."

They drove for a while in silence, holding hands and watching the ribbon of road unfurl as they drove out of the town, with its bright lights and garish billboards. Tom drove until they could see cornfields, and then he stopped at a tiny gravel road. He put on his blinker and the pick-up crunched over the stones. They were flanked by high cornstalks on both sides, looming over them in an almost claustrophobic way.

Then suddenly the road opened up, the corn was gone, and they were in a wide field. Tom pulled onto some grass and turned off his lights. 

Stella turned to him, surprised. "You drove all the way out here just to kiss me?"

He shook his head. "Nope. To give you a present."

She stared at him, uncertain.

"You told me what your name means. Star. Stella for Star. And you've been my bright star for a whole year."

"That's sweet."

"Yeah. So as a present, I'm giving you the stars."

He jumped out of the pick-up and came around to her side. "Come on down. Okay. Now look up."

It was so dark she could barely see him standing in front of her, but when she threw her head back she gasped with wonder--she saw a million bright diamonds against a black velvet sky. 

"You can't see them like this in town. But here--you get a real view of God's sky. I wanted to give it to you," he said.

Now interrogate this text. Do you care more about these characters? Do you have opinions about them? If so, why?  What prevented you from having them before?  

What can you see, hear and smell in this story? 

How is Stella's viewpoint made clear?

Now let's workshop some of your scenes of showing vs telling. The class can give valuable suggestions about how to open up the text for your reader.